Showing posts with label Further Evidence Our Schools Blow. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Further Evidence Our Schools Blow. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Death of Newspaper Re-re-reconfirmed

Say what you will about his politics or his dubious interpretation of 'objectivity' -- Rupert Murdoch got it right this time around. Back in the spring, when a very few brave souls produced a muffled murmur that resembled "Newspaper Bailout," pundits praised Ol' Rupe for charging readers to browse his Wall Street Journal online -- a tactic eschewed by nearly every other daily in the nation.

Among the papers fearful of instigating a reader revolt, of course, was New York's Paper of Record. The other day, we came upon this sordid scene at a craft fair in McCarren Park:



Our photo work could stand to improve -- standing there, shooting away, we felt like the proverbial foot thwacking the proverbial dead horse -- but the sign reads "50% Off!" The Times didn't even bother to send out a proper sales rep -- the poor sap here appears to be the laid-off mother of one of their delivery boys (they can still afford those, right?). Sad, sad days for the dead tree industry...

Thursday, May 14, 2009

One Month and Counting, Papi

The responsibility inherent to this blogging business has had us all flustered recently, so we decided to just sit around and eat corned beef hash out of the can and wait for someone to finally invent the remedial device that will read our Cleverest/Poignantest Thought of the Day and transcribe it onto this limp-wristed blog. Seems basic enough, right? But Jackass Scientist Man is evidently preoccupied with more trivial matters, so we regretfully return to pounding the keyboard with our middle fingers and opposable thumbs while eating more corned beef hash out of the can, because that shit is delicious. 

In keeping with tradition, then, we once again eschew literary substance in favor of photos and throwaway captions while celebrating the now-rapid approach of the Day the Puerto Ricans Retake Manhattan. It's a mere month away now, so maybe it's time I overcome my newly perfected machete phobia and saunter over to Sazon Perez for a mound of greasy, crackily pernil, since it's allllmost as delectable as corned beef hash and it doesn't typically come with aluminum splinters and other tasty surprises that sometimes make non-crunchy canned foods crunchy. Oy...hurry up, Jackass Scientist Man. For now, shutup, you, and marvel upon the shiny soul-drawrings:


Shouldn't wear a wife-beater for the same reason I don't wear an afro: Because it just looks stupid 



Shake it, mami



"Frommer, you've failed us again"  



"Not...ideal..." 



Monday, April 20, 2009

GoodNews/BadNews: Mice and Machetes


Trinitarios de Los Sures


The Good: Specklebutt seems to have taken care of the mouse situation at DCQhq

The Bad: The gangs have apparently emerged from their slumber for the warm-weather machete-attack season

The Badder: Some of them are spicing things up by slathering poison on their sharpened machete tips. You know, for max sliceage points. And the ones that weren't before will be once they meander past La Dolce Musto in this past week's Village Voice

The Who Knew!?: The hood used to be much, much worse

The OK: The attacks seem to revolve around the southern edge of the Bedford Ave. gentrification corridor, where randomly chosen victims are more likely to be trust-fund hipster kids than, say, I dunno, me. That said, Sazon Perez pernil expeditions may henceforth be restricted to daylight hours. 

The Doubly Related: A member of the DCQ family once obtained a rusty machete while vacationing as a child in the Yucatán. Said homeboy tried to carry it on to the plane. Inspection failed. A classic customs blunder. 

Monday, February 23, 2009

Feel da Riddim, Feel da Rhyme! Come to Aruba! We're Mostly White!

The island nation of Aruba has unleashed an all-out ad blitz on the MTA trains, running short bios of smiling Arubans on beaches, golf courses, and serene Oranjestad streets lined with colorful knockoffs of Dutch colonials. But only one of the seven ads features a local who is black. I was getting amped to rip into Fox News and Nancy Grace and redneck southern politicians for their catalytic roles in the blatantly racist Natalee Holloway fiasco, to illustrate how they’ve driven Aruba to ostracize its black residents through a disproportionately representative ad campaign propelled by the notion that black equals crime. Then I did some research, and was surprised to find that my angle held no water on several counts: 


- Due to the island’s arid soil and lack of rainfall, imperialists didn’t try to cultivate Aruba, hence no slaves (to console itself, Spain kidnapped every single Arawak on the island and shipped them to work copper mines on Hispaniola). Thus, a much lower percentage of Arubans claim African heritage than do other Caribbean nationalities -- Trinidadians, Jamaicans, even the folks in neighboring Curaçao.


- Tourism is huge in Aruba. I knew it was important, as it is in every other island on the Carnival cruise highway, but the health of Aruba’s GDP relies more on tourism dollars than on any other industry. And the country’s dependance on tourism is growing stronger: The second-biggest industry is oil refining. With the realization that oil’s a finite resource, Aruba has quintupled its stock of hotel rooms since 1985. In 2004 (before Missing White Girl broke), Aruba filled an average of 80 percent of those rooms, compared with 68 percent in other Caribbean hotspots. They needed tourists before her, and they still need them now.


- None of the three suspects arrested was black (one was Dutch and the other two were Surinamese). Likewise, none was ever charged. 


And to further that note on a note, the Holloway dad is some piece of work. In his book, he criticizes the media for being fickle after they bumped his daughter to the bottom of the hour when a juicier story broke:


“Hurricane Katrina had left the door open for the (suspects) to be sent on their way with little publicity and few restrictions because it took the world's focus off of Natalee, but only for a brief time. The huge amount of publicity had waned and, during that time of quiet for us, Joran and the Kalpoe brothers were sent home. . . . All of the news shows that had followed our every move only a day before had now become fixated on the next big ratings grabber: the victims of Hurricane Katrina.”


What manipulative bastards. 


But Father Holloway’s justified criticism is beside the point: My expected angle fell flat. In the end, I had nothing. The ad campaign isn’t necessarily racist because it’s actually somewhat representative of Aruba’s population. But if it had proved as racist as I’d expected, I would have said this: “Those two black guys were clearly selected specifically to make the rider think, ‘They look happy and peaceful. I'd bet 4-to-1 they used to hang out with the guys from Cool Runnings till they all realized there wasn't enough room in the bobsled.’" 


Then you would’ve laughed and laughed, and I would’ve congratulated myself. Close your eyes. Try to imagine. Or just read this guy’s take (unless he’s got a Lonely Planet: Aruba chum on the Aruban census team, he twisted the ethnic numbers to make the case).