Thursday, September 10, 2009
BREAKING: White Musician Targets Underground Rap Fans!
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Keith Murray is "Complicated but Simple"
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
So Longo, Bongo
Monday, July 6, 2009
Willie T. Coleman biopic forthcoming
No, but seriously, that guy looks just like James Earl Jones.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Puerto Rican Takeover Oh-Nine, Pt. 1
Yiamas!
A portion of the DCQ team is currently en route to Greece for a month long sabbatical. You may ask, how can he vacation for a whole month, and not lose his esteemed position as a DCQ contributor? Well, he's just that smooth. And also, he's promised to provide some Greek-related posts during his travels. Enjoy some ouzo for us, buddy.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Symptoms: Robbed.

We were robbed. That we knew immediately. Musty clothes covered every inch of linoleum floor, from the cinderblock walls to the kicked-in back door. Two worn, ransacked backpacks lay somewhere underneath. The passports! Still in their place, alongside the credit cards and insurance cash under the plastic-sheathed mattress. Amid the tumult of the floor, an iPod stood out in its fluorescence, headphones disconnected earlier and stashed separately. They’d left this behind. They didn’t know what it was.
The cameras! The cameras. Gone. They got the motherfucking cameras. The ones with the photos of the beaches and the waterfalls and the jungles and the strutting street kids and the islands and the funeral pyre and the dirty fish markets and Waterloo and Maracas Bay and San Juan de las Galdonas. The cameras packed in our bags an hour before as we’d left our rented, windowless apartment to drink one last Carib with friends and close the book on Port-of-Spain and Carnival Tuesday. To bring closure to three days of round-the-clock costumed, painted, sweaty revelry and three weeks of haggling and tromping our way through Trinidad and northeastern Venezuela. Upon reaching Tragarete Road, we dove into a pulsing current of celebration, each participant a member of a “band” clothed in the stereotypical vision of cultures real and imagined -- ”Egyptians” in full King Tut headgear, “jungle warriors” with leaves covering only the most forbidden of body parts, “Americans” channeling John Wayne.
The coordinated costumed pranced alongside flatbed semis alternately carrying full bars and stacks of speakers blasting the designated soca songs of the year (and there were about eight of those, played with according frequency). But this was day three -- and we were out of Puncheon spitfire rum, with a plane to Tobago leaving in three hours. Our gang was easy to find -- they were usually hanging in the steel-pan yard on the corner, shirtless and stinking from too many consecutive days of music and beer and just trying to “maintain” through the weeks of nonstop practice leading up to the festival proper. We said goodbye to Nigel and Kurt and Tommy and the kind dreadlocked guy Lennox whose canines were chiseled down to vampire fangs and walked back to the unkempt, ground-level unit to collect our packed bags en route to the airport. Only they were no longer packed.
Suspects abounded: Bryan, our drug-dealing landlord with stitches sealing a two-inch mystery gash above his Adam’s apple. Anthony, the skinny dark-skinned man who charmed us weeks earlier with his sordid story of growing up in The States for 35 years before being deported in the ‘80s for smoking a joint in San Fran’s Washington Square Park, who had led us to Bryan when we were in desperate need of shelter? The group of standoffish teenage boys loitering outside Bryan’s apartment when we left for the parade earlier? Nigel, the band leader and our entree to true Trini culture, our unofficial Tragarete Road tour guide? Could he have!? Someone who knew we wouldn’t have time to call the cops over for a report. Someone poor; that eliminated nobody. Someone who knew our schedule -- someone who knew us. Someone we’d never find.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Fuck you world
Friday, May 22, 2009
Who's up for a taste?
Monday, March 30, 2009
A Bike Pimp Don't Hibernate, Motherfucker.

A good 30 folks were still out there as the light began to fade quickly. I asked the guy if he took his Pimp Bike on the subway, and he was none too pleased. The dark side of his pimp demeanor started to show itself, but he seemed to realize that he didn't need that part of the personality anymore, and suppressed the urge to 'beat that ho down.' Like "Hey, you're not a Real Pimp anymore, Calvin. You're a Bike Pimp. You don't need to do shit to make your ends -- just ride your Pimp-Ass Bike around the park, and white people will pay to take a picture with you."


Monday, March 23, 2009
Bring Out Ya Dead (skeet skeet)

This Statham guy was great as an unknown in Lock, Stock and has made nothing but abysmal casting choices ever since (see: The Transporter Pts. 1-6). People apparently watch his movies, though, which is sobering but by no means surprising. This tagline, however, leads one to suspect that perhaps he's making a leap into self-deprecating irony (a la Ahnold in Last Action Hero), which wouldn't make sense because while he's certainly become typecast, he's still not, you know, all that famous. Which is to say it's too soon to mock the caricature he'd have to think he's become.
All that aside, Amy Smart's gaptooth is tailormade for skeet-skeet target practice fantasies, which is probably why she only gets roles in films 13-year-old boys pay to see.
